The time Trinny Woodall accosted me with a makeup wipe

A story time, as requested by you

Last week, when we did our deep dive into why Bradley Cooper is the worst, I compared him removing Lady Gaga’s makeup, to an encounter I had with Trinny Woodall.

I wasn’t expecting to get as many messages as I did, asking me to share the full story, but I clearly underestimated your thirst for tea.

What I would say upfront, is that my experience with Trinny was exactly how you probably imagined it would be. She is exactly the same off screen as she is on.

I had an appointment with her outside my offices (I worked for Cosmo at the time) and she was carrying out meetings in the back of a black taxi. Don’t quote me on this, but if I remember correctly, it was for the launch of her cream eyeshadows.

As soon as I stepped into the cab, Trinny introduced herself and out came a pack of makeup wipes.

Now, Trinny is one of those people who does command a room. It’s why she has the power to tell women to undress in front of her.

She leads and you follow and you don’t even think to question, until afterwards.

As she wiped away at my makeup, she remarked on my eyeshadow. At the time I was having a love affair with Urban Decay’s Heat palette, but Trinny wasn’t impressed.

Uninitiated, she told me the burnt orange colours I chose were “wearing me” and I suddenly had flashbacks to my teenage self watching What Not To Wear and feeling like I could only ever wear a V Neck.

Off came the orange eyeshadow, but not before Trinny could also comment on the dryness under my eyes. “There might be something else going on there,” she said. As she recommended I use a Foreo on the daily and I wondered why I ever got in this cab.

Look, I’ve said it before, but Trinny just makes me nervous. She’s like the elderly man in my nan’s nursing home. I never know if he’s going to just say hello, or say something that will scar me for ever.

Either way, I try not to stick around long enough to find out.

Of course Trinny redid my base and applied her preferred shade of shadow, but her approach to makeup, is the same as fashion and it’s one I’ll never be on board with.

I was watching one of my favourite TikTok Disney adults - remember, I’m on the cusp of being one - and he shared a story a Disney artist had told him about Winnie the Pooh.

Rather than it all being about Pooh Bear, Pooh is more of a mayor of the Hundred Acre Wood. In his community, everyone is welcome. There, you can be your true self and feel safe.

I’m someone that wants to live in a world where Pooh Bear is mayor. Which is a very different planet to Trinny’s.

Whether it’s my makeup bag or my wardrobe, I chose what I wear based on how I want to look and what I like. Whereas, Trinny is forever stuck in the generation of wearing what “flatters” you.

I know how popular her brand is and more power to her for that, but I just can’t forget how she made me feel about my body in the ‘00s when being above a size 0 was considered fat, let alone an 18-20.

So, that’s the Trinny story for you. There really isn’t any drama, so please don’t read that into it.

We’re two very different people.