Bradley Cooper is the actual worst: A deep dive

“Couldn’t tell if he loved his own child for 8 months but cried over missing a man he never even met..."

I was going to write this post last week, but I questioned whether it was unnecessarily mean.

I didn’t want to feel like I was picking on someone, you know?

Thankfully, however, Bradley Cooper has all but given me the go ahead, after sharing that it took 8 months for him to love his baby.

Now, I can hear the opinion pieces already, “This is why Bradley Cooper’s honesty about first time dad’s is so important” etc etc.

But, it’s what he followed it up with, that makes him such an utterly strange person.

For reference, the “it” he is referring to, is his baby and this is him talking to fellow actor Dax Shepard on his Armchair Expert podcast.

"Fascinated by it, love taking care of it. Would I die if someone came in with a gun? It's only a couple of months. I don't know."

Just to check Bradley, you’ve had media training, right? How about a psychopath test?

There is no way you just made up a hypothetical situation, in which you stood by as your baby get shot to death.

If that wasn’t insane enough, you then repeated that story, out loud ON A PODCAST.

No, I’m sorry but Bradley Cooper has to be stopped because the man is out of control.

When I read that quote on Reddit this morning, I actually laughed out loud. Not because of Bradley’s fictional gun scenario, but because the top comment was just so utterly perfect.

“Couldn’t tell if he loved his own child for 8 months but cried over missing a man he never even met… wow.”

Yes, for my next piece of evidence, I present to you this clip of Bradley, breaking down in tears about how much he misses Leonard Bernstein.

There are two vital things you should know before watching. The first is that Bradley never met conducter Leonard Bernstein, he just played him in a film that no one, apart from Bradley wants to watch (that’s Maestro, by the way).

The second is, that those people sitting with Bradley are Leonard Bernstein’s children.

@moviemaniacsBradley Cooper gets choked up over Leonard Bernstein

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Then there’s Bradley’s desperation for that Oscar. He claims he spent six years learning to conduct for six minutes of music in Maestro.

You can tell he’s never worked an office job where the phrase ‘work smarter, not harder’, is ingrained into you.

Was that really necessary? Could it not have been done in a year? After all, you’re not a world famous composer, you’re an actor pretending to be one.

Imagine if Anthony Hopkins took his role in Silence of the Lambs that literally.

In describing Maestro, I feel Nate Jones said it best in his Vulture piece, “To those who haven’t seen it, Maestro is a movie about how Cooper spent untold amounts of time and money transforming himself into a very important conductor, in a movie about how this conductor was very important.”

Then there are the smaller things. The things that are a little bit mean of me to say, but, sorry, I do find him uncomfortable to look at since his face lift, because he does look a lot like Ellen De Generes now.

Not Ellen

Oh, and then there’s his interactions with female actors. When doing a Variety shoot with Emma Stone, she had to ask him why he was talking to her with his eyes closed.

His response? It helps him think better.

His interview with Maestro co-star Carey Mulligan wasn’t much better, as he revealed his weirdest on set habit was zoning out mid conversation.

Sorry Bradley, they asked weirdest, not rudest.

That’s not his only “weird” on set habit. We discussed it here before, but when he’s directing, Bradley doesn’t allow chairs on film sets.

Yes, the same film sets where people work for 10-12 hours a day.

“There’s no chairs on sets,” he told Variety. “I’ve always hated chairs and I feel like your energy dips the minute you sit down in a chair.”

Don’t worry though, he has an alternative, “So apple boxes are a nice way to sit.”

Lovely, I can practically feel my lower back singing with joy at the thought of teetering half an arse cheek on a wooden crate.

Honestly, Bradley Cooper turning out to be an absolute bellend breaks my heart because I cannot tell you how much I loved him as Jackson Maine in A Star Is Born.

But even then, there were signs. Like when Lady Gaga arrived at her audition only to be met with Bradley holding a makeup wipe, which he then proceeded to wipe her face clean with.

Trinny Woodhall did the same to me once in the back of a black cab outside my office. It still irks me to this day.

All in all, I think we can agree on two things.

One, that Bradley Cooper is completely and utterly unbearable and unhinged and two, that we can’t wait for his next interview.