Is sleeping with 100 men empowering?

When sex positivity and judgement collide

YouTube/JoshPieters

If, like me, you’re a millennial who grew up in a comprehensive school, consuming ‘90s/00s media, it’s likely you’ve had to unlearn a lot of prejudice language.

I’ll forever be mortified to admit that I was in my twenties when someone (rightfully) checked me for using ‘gay’ as a derogatory adjective and I can still remember the Rihanna jokes after Chris Brown physically abused her.

I often speak about the impact working at Cosmo had on me and one of the best things was being surrounded by passionate, intelligent women, who really broadened my mind.

One of those people was Paisley. Together, we hosted All The Way With, a sex and relationships podcast.

Do you remember that adorable, but slightly irritating, animated paperclip on Microsoft word, that offered you help?

Well, now my brain has a Paisley version (adorable, not irritating) and she pops up to remind me about the importance of things like gender inclusive language when I’m writing.

I like to think that thanks to discussions with people like Paisley, I’ve worked to unlearn those things I grew up with and, if you’re a subscriber, I hope you’d think of me as a progressive, critical thinker.

Yet, the one thing, I secretly feel I still hold judgement on, is sex work.

For example, I worry that if I didn’t have a minute to think before I spoke, I would still use the term prostitute, instead of sex worker.

Is that because it’s a word I don’t use often, so the muscle memory lacks or is it coming from a place of judgement?

Yesterday, I watched YouTuber Josh Pieter’s new documentary: I Slept With 100 Men In One Day.

In it, Josh follows Lily Philips, the OnlyFans model, embarking on that very mission.

Despite Lily and her assistant’s enthusiasm for the event and knowing it was very much Lily’s decision, I failed to take any female empowerment from it.

In fact, if anything, I felt a lot of judgement and dare I say it, disgust, towards the men who travelled from as far as Switzerland for 4 minutes with Lily and while that didn’t extend to her, I also couldn’t understand how she physically could go through with it.

I could understand why she did: Money, fame, notoriety, attention, but to me, it felt like she allowed herself to be degraded by these men to get those things for herself.

When Lily hit 101 (men, not Dalmatians), Josh returned and despite it being blurred out, seeing the bedroom littered with condoms and wet sheets made me grimace.

But, it was even worse when Lily warned them about the smell. Literally, the cameraman gagged as he entered because the stench of semen was that strong.

Despite wanting to do it, in the immediate aftermath and while being interviewed by Josh, Lily starts crying.

It’s easy to put our emotions onto her here. A lot of comments I read said she was effectively self-harming, but whether she was just absolutely physically and socially exhausted or something worse, it was really genuinely, upsetting to watch. Despite knowing it was her decision.

However, some time afterwards, Lily then announces she’s doing it again, this time with 1000 men.

We can’t really discuss Lily without touching on Bonnie Blue. Another OnlyFans model who made headlines for sleeping with 158 men during Nottingham Fresher’s Week.

Bonnie’s had an extra layer of morality issues as a lot of these men were allegedly virgins, desperate to get rid of their label.

Yes, there isn’t a huge age gap between 24 and 18, but, if this was a male sex worker, offering to take the virginities of 18-year-old women, I’d think it was wrong.

Although, thinking out loud here, is that also because we’ve also been taught that sex is a pleasure activity for men and a more emotional, meaningful one for women? As in, a woman wanting to have sex with a man she just met is a slut, but for a guy it’s a one night stand?

See? My brain is doing more acrobatics than my body could ever.

Essentially, can I see how it’s potentially empowering for a young woman, to quit a job she hates and instead make money filming herself having sex instead? Yes, in my head I can.

The problem for me, is the reality of what that actually looks like. But, I think that’s me being a prude, more so than me not understanding.

What I can’t get behind is these publicity stunts, which feel like the woman is trading something of a much higher price, to get the notoriety they want. Not only that, but the shock factor of these means, the goal posts will always have to be pushed and in turn, your own boundaries.

As always, would love to hear your thoughts on this one.