I hit my first adult milestone at 38

This one's for the late bloomers

It’s hard not to feel like a failure when you reach your late thirties with no significant other or mini me to be found.

Even when I engage the more rational side of my brain and tell myself, I have my own business, a job I love, solid relationships with my family and friends, it still all pales into insignificance when a friend/coworker/relative you haven’t seen for a while asks, “What’s new with you?”

That’s where the adult milestones come in, the ones I just couldn’t seem to reach… until now.

At 38, I’ve finally hit one. I’m a homeowner. I have a mortgage. I’m no longer renting by myself or with a friend, nor living with my parents. This baby adult just grew up a little bit and it’s kind of terrifying.

Being a single, self-employed person, this process has taken an entire year and what it’s shown me, is that I should never have felt ashamed of not having a foot on the property ladder in the first place.

If you’ve read this Substack for a while now, you’ll know that I’m definitely not your 5 year plan kind of person.

I wish I was, but my brain is definitely not wired that way.

I have taken the scenic route on everything from my education to my career and stopped at every service station in-between.

I was about to say that in my early twenties I was only just starting to figure it out, but that’s a lie. I was actually still tying tangles to join the ones I was wrapped in.

Then, in my mid twenties, the best thing to ever happen to me, happened. I started working at Cosmopolitan and the semblance of a future career began to form in front of me.

The one downside for landing my dream job? I took a pay cut to get it and it wasn’t until my thirties that I got back on the wage I was in my twenties.

Note to self, if you want money choose a job in insurance, if you want happiness, take a job at Cosmopolitan.

There was no way I could have got a mortgage then and knowing what I know now, it’s hilarious that I ever beat myself up about it.

I didn’t know it then, but quitting my dream job, going freelance and starting my own business were the puzzle pieces that got me here and, as late a bloomer as I am, I don’t think I could have got here any earlier.

At least not with the false starts of my late teens/twenties.

Honestly, my main takeaway from this process, is that no one should ever feel ashamed of not being on the property ladder. Especially if you’re single, in a system that favours couples.

Do I feel any less of a failure now? Honestly, I don’t really know.

If I sit and think about it for too long, I’ll probably end up having a big cry, but day to day I’m happy.

In the least dramatic way, I have always felt like an outsider to life. Maybe it’s because these milestones that everyone else seems to find so easy to achieve, are so damn elusive to me or maybe it’s because I’m not as strong, resilient or malleable.

For now I’ll savour this moment, because if my timings are anything to go by, it will be a while before the next one.