I found 1 brilliant plus-size swimming costume and 5 terrible ones

It's been a fupa-bearing journey

If you saw my Instagram Stories the other day, you would have seen me moaning (shock horror, I know) about the lack of choice when it comes to plus-size swimwear.

Just because I’m fat, doesn’t mean I want to swim (if that’s even possible with so much fabric) in a ruffled dress with a design straight from an ‘80s sunbed shop, with the colour scheme of The Brittas Empire.

There is another option, however. One that wasn’t available when I was growing up.

You see, if you don’t want to swim in the equivalent of an ‘80s prom dress, you can now pick from hundreds of bikinis and totally impractical cut out swimming costumes.

Maybe this is me being a millennial who can’t shake the ghosts of diet clubs past, but I don’t want a bikini. Yes, I’m an advocate for body confidence, but that doesn’t mean I want my fupa on show.

Plus, half of the designs just aren’t practical on a bigger body. Put my boobs in a triangle bikini and those strings will decapitate me, guaranteed.

So, because no one wants to make nice regular swimwear for plus-sizes, I have had the same M&S costume for the last 3 years.

I loved it because it was high necked, which made me feel like I actually had a cool swimming costume for once and I even bought two of them, because I knew what a rare gem it was.

Sadly for me, M&S no longer make the costume and both of them have pretty much turned to tracing paper around the bottom area, thanks to my love of a swim.

I knew for my holiday this year (for my sake and my friends) that I would have to buy a new one and after doing three rounds of returns today, I finally have a new costume that I don’t hate. In fact, I’ve already ordered a duplicate.

Now, it definitely wasn’t love at first sight, but after trying it on, I can confirm that ASOS’ Design Curve Sloane Eyelet Detail Swimsuit in Navy, is my winner.

At £32.00 (or £64 if you buy two, like me) I feel comfortable in it, it feels modern and it gives enough support. There’s also not a silhouette of a palm tree in sight.

To get to this point, however, there were a lot of triggering try ons. So, as well as sharing the costume that made the cut, I feel it’s as important to share with you the ones that didn’t and why.

This Simply Be design is very bold, I’ll give you that. But when you have such limited options, you do get excited when there’s any form of variety.

Now, this one I actually didn’t mind on and it was a potential keeper except for one minor/major problem.

Because it’s not a bra fitting, it was impossible to keep the back of the strapless side up. If you had smaller boobs, it would probably be fine, but for me, it would require one of my friends to be on back fat watch, which isn’t a job I want to give them when they’re on their holidays.

This was a panic Simply Be order, where I had essentially given up hope and just thought I’d get something practical for post holiday swims.

The problem is, as it always is, Simply Be’s sizing.

Simply Be are the worst when it comes to accurate sizes. Everything comes up so small or randomly massive. It’s one of the reasons I never really order from them, because you have to order multiple sizes of everything.

Turns out, this was too small for me on the boob area and made me look like I was about to go on John Anderson’s second whistle.

Love that for me.

Another delusional ASOS purchase here because I knew this wouldn’t look good on me, as it looks dreadful on the model.

This was exactly how it looks here. Too big, gaping around the thighs, no support and with a horrible white lining that poked out the top.

Fit wise, this ASOS Curve number was pretty good, but there was one major thing I couldn’t overlook…

It’s see through and that’s before you even get in the water.

Finally, we had this seemingly inoffensive number. Unlike the baggy blue costume from ASOS, this was too small on my boobs, making the straps dig in me, in the most uncomfortable way. Definitely deceiving because it felt like a very safe choice when I added it to my basket.

I hope this might be helpful in some form or another. If only for making you feel less alone in the hell-scape that is plus-size swimwear shopping.