Does anyone else get pre-holiday anxiety?

Foreboding is now as much a part of my packing checklist as pants

On Monday I’m due to go on holiday to LA with two of my best friends. In-between the inevitable Cheesecake Factory visits, we’re going to Disneyland, Mario World at Universal Studios and Nobu Malibu. I know I will have the best time when I’m there, but right now, I just have this feeling of dread.

I don’t know when this pre-holiday foreboding began, but it’s now an inevitable part of my vacation checklist. Along with double the amount of pants I need.

It’s really hard to explain it to people, but as the holiday looms closer, I enter denial mode. I don’t want to think or talk about it. In fact I want to pretend the holiday I booked isn’t happening. If someone offered me money to go in my place, I genuinely think I’d accept.

But, here’s the thing - when I’m on holiday, I don’t wanna come home.

Honestly, I hate me too.

This year, it just so happens that I’ve travelled more than ever. In June I went to Marbella with my best friends where we drank copious amounts of batido de cacao and mastered our canon balls.

In July I was incredibly lucky to be invited to LA with NYX for their Barbie collection. Not only did I get to meet the Elevator Boys, but I also got to see an early screening of the film we’ve all spent the entire summer obsessed with.

Then, in August I had a very last minute invite to New York with Shark Beauty where I got to tell Chris Appleton how good he looks with curtains and fall over in the middle of the road (thankfully without Chris watching).

And now, I’m off to LA again. This is not a normal year of travel for me and I know how lucky I am and how bad my carbon footprint is right now.

These trips are incredible and I am so grateful, but I really have to put on my big girl boots and force myself to go, because if I listened to my anxiety I’d stay home and miss out on these life-changing opportunities.

That’s the thing, I know deep down it’s irrational but it still happens every time and it really sucks.

You know that horrible feeling you have in the back of your mind when you have a doctors appointment or interview or work meeting you’re worried about? Well that’s been me since July.

It’s not something I want to admit, but to get me there, I always just imagine coming home and finally having that dread gone and the mental capacity to deal with the rest of my life without this fog of worry around me.

When I psycho analyse myself, I’m sure it’s the fear of all the unknowns and having no control over them.

To be fair, part of this is valid seeing as one time I realised my passport had expired the night before I was due to go to Iceland. Another time I missed my flight home from Ibiza, despite being in the airport stone cold sober.

Basically i just want to know if I’m alone and if anyone else also has a brain that’s been wired by an imbecile. Why do I feel like this about a holiday I’ve booked and paid for and one I know I will have the best time on?

Gah.

With that said, the daily posts will be pausing while I’m out the office and returning on Monday 2nd October (along with my sanity).

That is unless I am filled with creative inspiration while I’m living my best valley girl life.