Why is everyone so unbearable on Instagram?

2023 was the year I officially fell out of love with my favourite social media platform

I don’t use Facebook, but every now and then, I’m forced to revive my account for work purposes.

As soon as the homepage loads however, I’m reminded of why I left this space all those years ago.

My inbox is full of friend requests from colleagues I worked with in another lifetime and my feed is full of Anne Geddes style newborn photoshoots, from people whose names I vaguely remember, from a school I left 21 years ago.

Between the unironic Minion memes and the crushed grey velvet furniture ads from ‘Divas Lounge Decor’, Facebook is a culture vacuum and one I’m glad to be rid of.

Instagram, on the other hand, is awash with different voices. Looking at my explore page is the equivalent of walking into a Budgens. You never know what you might find.

Seriously, last week my sister found a commercial pack of Mr Whippy mix in hers.

The problem is however, that the algorithm and desire to go viral, has meant all that individuality, that I loved so much, has been lost.

I first joined Instagram in 2011 and up until 2023, it was my favourite social media platform. In fact I just wasted about 30 minutes scrolling back through my posts and realising that I was still posting about discontinued chocolate bars way back then.

Originally it was just pictures and then a few years in, I started filming videos opening my beloved eyeshadow palettes to a soundtrack of dramatic classical music.

In 2019 I made my first ‘talking to camera’ video about my Glossier favourites and I continued to film whilst I was still working full time at Cosmopolitan.

As my audience grew, I realised it could be a way to make a living, alongside my journalism. In all honesty, I don’t know how other freelance journalists survive without making ads for social.

I tip my hat to those of you that do.

Whether it was a case of my hobby becoming my job or the arrival of TikTok, I’m not sure, but for the past year I’ve felt really disconnected from the platform I once loved.

While I’m not one to focus on numbers, my friend Rose keeps track of our social stats each month and when she sent me our end of year summary, I discovered my third reason for falling out of love with Instagram.

In a year - despite posting regular content - I had only gained 1.2k new followers. In comparison to TikTok where I had increased by over 30k.

Obviously I was aware of a distinct lack of month-on-month growth, but seeing the difference written down, really cemented my frustration.

What makes it harder, is seeing other people grow exponentially.

Instagram is always two steps behind TikTok and while the latter is welcoming longer form videos, Insta continues to prioritise content that is less than 30 seconds.

As an educator, I can’t deliver a balanced viewpoint in that amount of time. Let alone a fair and thorough review.

I also can’t bring myself to conform. If there’s one thing I am, it’s stubborn to a fault and I just can’t bear to post a serious video of myself to a soundtrack of “I like this little life”, with tiny white font in the centre that no one can actually read.

It’s also the juxtaposition of flexing, whilst trying to remain relatable that I really struggle with.

There is an American influencer I follow who has two children and is also pregnant. I appreciate nothing in life is black and white and there’s a whole lot of grey, but if she posts one more video making out she doesn’t have her life together, I might throw my phone across the room.

You have two children, a beautiful house and husband (may I add). You know full well that those other twenty somethings just have a Stanley cup and a slicked back bun. It’s okay to admit you are happy with your life.

Of course there is jealousy on my part here and I would be lying to you and myself, if I didn’t admit that played a part. But I also really do hate how people lie and monetise every emotional situation on Instagram.

Whether that’s giving advice they aren’t qualified to give - life coaches really are thriving aren’t they - or manipulating their audience with a completely different narrative to the one that’s shown on their ‘close friends’ list.

I know I could give a letter to a stranger in the park and film their reaction, but I just don’t want to. Likewise I don’t want to review a foundation in 30 seconds, only for you to buy it and realise it doesn’t work for your skin type, just mine.

However, my stubbornness and unwillingness to conform with Instagram has meant that I’ve neglected the lovely people that do follow me and take the time to watch and comment on my videos and for that, I have a lot of guilt.

So, going into 2024, me and Instagram are starting afresh. I am going to be like a horse with blinkers. I’m not going to look at what everyone else is doing, I’m going to stay in my lane and post the content that I (and hopefully) my audience want to see.

While it is part of my job, I’ve never wanted to take myself too seriously on social media and somehow, in my silent protest of not wanting to conform, I’ve done exactly that.

Here’s to bringing back those 2013 vibes.

I hope you’ll stay with me.

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Side note: Happy new year my lovely Substack readers. I hope you had a great Christmas and well-deserved break. I had a couple of weeks off due to illness and the big man coming (Santa), but daily Monday-Friday posting has resumed. Thank you for bearing with me.

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