Why have pickles become the ultimate personality trait?

Forget your Nando's spice level, your palette for preserved cucumbers is the new flex

Don’t tell anyone but I’m not entirely sure what ‘girl dinner’ means. I know it’s having a significant moment in online culture currently, with my various algorithms desperate to serve me ‘girl dinner’ content and publications quick to ride the coat tails, warning of its problematic nature.

Here’s the thing though, I can’t be invested in every catchphrase that comes out of TikTok and if the DIY lunchables I’ve been making lately do qualify as trending, I’m not looking for a nutritional uproar… just a meal that requires minimal to no effort.

One saying I am familiar with however, is the ‘Pick-me girl’ and I just know that the women on my FYP asking for an extra pot of pickles at the McDonald’s drive through, fall into that group.

For those of you unfamiliar with the term, the ‘Pick-me’ is essentially the new ‘Cool girl’. You know the type of person that acts like they’re totally chilled and unbothered, but are really going out of their way to express the ‘quirks’ they believe set them apart.

Yes, we all, regardless of gender, do it (I refused to buy a Kindle because I thought reading a paperback on the tube made me look mysterious). But making liking pickles a core part of your personality is even too much for this self-proclaimed dark horse to imagine.

It started with pickle kits. Those Van Holten ones that have names like ‘Hot Mama’ and ‘Sour Sis’. Like M&Ms, they’ve turned their ingredients into mascots and of course ‘Hot Mama’ is the ‘sexy’ one judging by her pearl necklace and strappy red heels (don’t tell Tucker Carlson).

They seemingly came from nowhere/the USA if you read the packet, but suddenly I couldn’t scroll past a B&M haul without seeing someone touting a Van Holten’s pack on their TikTok shop.

As an individual who doesn’t like brining their food, just seeing these ginormous, swelled, former cucumbers was enough for me, but of course, the pick-me pickle kits don’t end there.

First they hollow out the pale green watery flesh and stuff it with approximately 3 (possibly 4) Takis (rolled corn tortilla crisps that are bright blue thanks to their direct import from the U S of A).

This creation is then sheathed in a fruit roll up (essentially a Kellog’s Winder) and dipped in Chamoy sauce and powder.

TikTok/edenharveyhulme

It’s ungodly and if you thought it sounded monstrous, wait until you’ve seen someone eat one on camera (filming it is as essential as the roll up after all). Dripping pickle juice and all.

It’s as if just liking pickles isn’t quirky enough. You can’t just have it with your fish and chips anymore, that’s not cool, Jan and Mick do that. No, if you’re really not like the rest of us sheep, you have to go all out Frankenstein.

But what happens when brined cucumbers go mainstream?

Yep, I have bad news for the pick-me picklets. The jig is up. Every corner shop I walk into now has a Van Holten selection proudly on display. Marked up with the Prime bottles next to the till for safe keeping.

Maybe, just maybe, liking pickles isn’t the flex it once was?

Pickle removers, it’s time to rise up.