Rebel Wilson was lucky to lose her virginity at 35
I wish more women could share her experience
We were in my single bed, when I told my boyfriend I wanted to have sex for the first time.
He asked me if I was “Sure” and at 18 I certainly was.
Heavy petting under the covers was no longer enough. I craved that extra layer of intimacy with the boy I loved.
I didn’t realise - until I was much older - how lucky I was, to have made that decision for myself, without pressure and sober.
It didn’t happen there. A few days later he told me he bought condoms from the local chemist (lol) and as I lay there in his single bed, with my leg brushing the cold wall, wincing with each stroke, I was relieved that first time was finally done with.
There’s nothing I would change about losing my virginity. Not who it was with or how it happened, but I know a lot of my friends can’t say the same thing.
Some have no memory of it happening at all. Whether that’s due to alcohol levels or suppressed memories, I don’t know.
Others, lost it to boys who were never seen again. Boys who knew full well an emergency visit to the pharmacy would be needed the next day.
For men, losing their virginity is a milestone moment to be shared, but for women, it’s often a trauma to be forgotten.
Which, is why, I loved Rebel Wilson for coming forward in her new book and confessing she lost hers at 35 years of age.
Despite being well past the age bracket of a comprehensive school, there is still a real shame attached to sex.
Whether that’s shame about how little or how much you have. It’s a topic that even I would be embarrassed to discuss privately, let alone publicly.
This societal pressure, combined with the ‘00s lack of consent discussion, is why so many women have such awful first time stories.
For Rebel to come out and proudly break the stigma of losing your virginity in your 30s, it not only makes me me feel empowered in my own sexual experiences as an adult, but also that future women won’t be put under the same pressure.
In an interview with People, Rebel described herself as a “Late bloomer” and admitted that she didn’t always feel so comfortable about the topic.
“Then [there are] the people that said, ‘Oh at 24, it’s so late’. And then I’m sitting here thinking, ‘Oh my God, my number’s 35’. What the hell? I’m going to look like the biggest loser".”
However, Rebel also stated she’s happy she waited and reassured young people that they shouldn’t feel the pressure.
I’m so here for my generation of women breaking the trauma cycle for the ones behind them.
Speaking of trauma, no matter how our relationship ended, I’ll forever be grateful to that boy for making my first time as safe and loving.
What a powerful post, Laura. Thank you for writing it. This line gave me a lump in my stomach: “For men, losing their virginity is a milestone moment to be shared, but for women, it’s often a trauma to be forgotten.” So true for too many women. You’re so right that the age stigma should be gone. Maybe this is too one dimensional thinking, but my firm view is the stigma is a tool of the patriarchy. It is in men’s interest to make women and teenage girls feel unchosen and unwanted if they are over a certain age and still a virgin (if not, they slut shame us, but that’s a different topic). I was certainly teased by guys about my virginity as a teenager. If you were still a virgin by uni, you were whispered about as if it was something you should be ashamed about. Here’s to not carrying any shame about being a virgin at any age. It’s not our shame to carry - let it drop to the floor and step right over it.
I think we need to stop calling it "losing your virginity". You're not "losing" anything. You had sex for the first time. Even if it was a good experience it probably wasn't great sex (unless you're very, very lucky). If it was a bad experience then hopefully the next time you have sex is better, and that first time doing it doesn't stay in your head, there is no significance to it (that isn't falsely attached by the "losing" it nonsense). I agree that the stigma around it is terrible and I hope it ends.