What if we don't want UK nightlife to be saved?
Culture is apparently dead 'cos we don't want to go to Pryzm
I’ve been seeing an increasing number of articles recently, discussing the state of UK clubs, bars and pubs.
‘UK clubs will be extinct by 2030 warns nightlife expert’. ‘How nightlife died in Sadiq Khan’s London’. ‘The annihilation of London’s party scene’.
Then I watched a rather dramatic ITV news report where the reporter seemed in a state of shock, interviewing young people who didn’t want to go clubbing.
Thankfully for him, he found solace in a black cab driver. “When you see your city looking like this, does it make you a bit sad?” To which the cabby responded, “It kind of reminds me of a tired, wisened old uncle that’s ready to fall asleep, actually”.
This news report blamed working from home and the cost of alcohol. The ‘young’ people interviewed at a bustling Friday night pottery class blamed safety, health reasons and not wanting a hangover.
There are so many things in our society that are no longer fit for purpose and to be honest, I think the majority of nightlife is exactly that.
These news reports talk about ‘young people’ as if they are some alien being. Older generations project this pity and superiority onto them, just because they don’t want to go clubbing.
“When I was younger, you wouldn’t be able to see the pavement,” boasted Steve the cabby as he drove round London.
That was still the case when I was in my twenties and spent my evenings in Soho after work. But… it wasn’t fun, I actually found it really irritating.
Tiny packed pubs, that were like a furnace inside. If you were lucky enough to have a seat, you physically couldn’t move out of it. A toilet trip involved whispering ‘Excuse me’ a hundred times and sliding past people’s sweaty backs.
We spilled out onto the streets because there was nowhere left to go. In contrast, it was nearly always freezing outside and you had no choice but to spread out into the smoking section.
If you were roped into a round, you not only had to face fighting your way to the bar, but also your bank balance.
The only reason I was there was because I loved my colleagues and wanted to spend time with them. But, there were so many things I would rather have done with them, then rest my arms on a sticky bar all night. There just wasn’t any alternatives.
As, some of you might know, I don’t drink. At this point I did, but not much and it was only because I felt I had to.
You can’t go to a swimming pool and just sit on the side for an hour.
My friend Anna would take the piss out of how long I could nurse a screwdriver. Truly, it was a talent. But my lack of drinking wasn’t just because of the money or the fact I’m not crazy about alcohol.
It was because depending on where we were, I knew I would have to get myself home, alone, to the outskirts of Croydon.
I never got more than tipsy because I knew I had a tube, train and bus journey ahead of me. Not to mention that if I missed my last train, it was me and Victoria station for the night.
Then there was Covid and I can’t tell you how happy it made me, that I no longer had the pressure to go out, out.
I then quit my job and became self-employed, further cementing my retirement from nightlife activities.
I know some of you love to party and for those of you who do, I’m sorry. But, for me, UK nightlife feels practically antiquated at this point.
From the lack of seating and space in general, to the eye-watering prices, the 2007 Rihanna playlists, the god awful toilets and, let’s be honest, the majority of the clientele.
Not to mention our transport. Have you ever got a night bus and not panicked you might be stabbed if you sit upstairs?
My last train home is at 11.55pm. There’s not another one until gone 5am. Tell me again what part of this makes the dated UK nightlife experience any fun?
Why can’t we instead spend those hours doing something that’s more enjoyable? Why does UK nightlife have to revolve around getting smashed?
The ITV reporter seemed amused that people wanted to take pottery classes on a Friday night, but if more establishments actually caught onto what we want, we could all be vision boarding down the local.
I’ll tell you who is busier than any pub in Croydon on a Friday or Saturday night, The Ludoquist, a board game cafe.
Now, that is the kind of place I would stay up till the early hours for.
lol couldn’t agree more. I’m 31 and have no interest in entering a night club or even a crowded bar ever again 🤣
All I want is to have enough friends free on the same night to go to Ludoquist