This weekend, I’m hosting my annual Easter egg hunt. So, naturally, chocolate is on my mind.
I have some final preparations I need to do over the next two days and still a few more eggs that I want to buy, but I can tell you for sure, the next 5 won’t be going anywhere near my basket.
I’m sure you’ll let me know if you agree, but please do also share the egg you’d like to receive this year.
Oh, and if someone could remind Jan that I’d like a Mini Egg one. The one with the mini eggs encapsulated in the actual egg, that would be great.
1. Quality Street Incredible Egg
For one month of the year, we entertain the Toffee Finger and his friend, the Penny. In fact, Quality Street have such a dominance on December, that we can’t wash a piece of clothing for a solid 12 days, without checking the pocket for a metallic coloured wrapper.
But, Quality Street clearly need to be reminded of their place in the seasonal food chain because they do not belong in Easter. They are and always will be, a Christmas chocolate.
A daffodil and a Caramel Cup should never exist in the same realm and if they continue to push this, I’m going to have to serve them some cold, hard facts, because frankly, Quality Street, you’re not good enough to be served outside of our most nostalgic month.
2. Guinness Dark Chocolate Rugby Ball
The vibe this Guinness Easter egg is giving, is the exact same one that the Father’s Day card section gives.
Hammers, saws, beer pints, footballs and farting.
Just because your dad likes watching the rugby, doesn’t mean everything in his life needs to be themed around that oval-shaped ball, including his Easter egg.
He doesn’t even like dark chocolate. It’s too fancy for him.
Though he would never show it, the disappointment of not getting his favourite Cadbury Fruit & Nut, would be palpable.
3. Twix
I’m prepared for some controversy on this one, but, hear me out.
When was the last time you bought a Twix?
Exactly.
A Twix is a corner shop stalwart. It’s always there when you’re craving that combination of biscuit, chocolate and caramel, but you rarely take one home with you.
I think of a Twix like my last pair of knickers. There is nothing wrong with them. But they’re just not your favourite, hence why they only ever get worn, when you’ve cycled through all your other pairs.
A Twix just isn’t special enough to be turned into an Easter egg and I guarantee, the Thursday before Good Friday, these will still be left on the shelf.
American Twixs on the other hand….
4. Cadbury Dairy Milk & White Marble Ultimate Egg
Another potentially controversial one, but the problem here is the mix.
Look, I’m no chocolate snob and I’d pick a sugar laden milk chocolate bar over dark, any day of the week. But, if you’ve tried those Twisted Buttons, you’ll know that when you combine this kind of milk and white, the result is totally and utterly flavourless.
This is a £12 egg, but I’m telling you, the flavour will be the same as your child’s Peppa Pig/Paw Patrol Kinnerton one.
5. Rowntree’s Randoms Incredible Egg
It’s a second hit for Nestle’s Incredible Egg range and this time, it’s the inclusion of fruit sweets in the chocolate shell, that I, and I think you, should have an issue with.
Look, Chloe, I know how much you love a Random, so does my niece Lyra, but I think you would both agree that there is no reason to incorporate them into chocolate.
It’s senseless, even for a brand whose entire personality is built on being erratic.
The Guinness one looks like it should have an aerosol deodorant in it.
Please follow up with 5 of the best 😅